The Essence of the Abused MAn


In light of what has happened between football player Ray Rice and his now wife the topic of domestic abuse has risen. There is much controversy about this conflict.  Domestic violence was established as morally wrong usually if you the victim are a woman.  That is very understandable because of the average size and strength difference between a man and woman.

Lets be real, men get abused by women as well and should not be excused for any reason.  As a mother of five boys, the thought of a woman taking advantage of any of my children infuriates me to no end. Why should it anger me? My boys are strong and can defend themselves, so why should I be worried about a girl or one day a woman abusing my children?  Probably because I taught my children to love, honor, and respect females at all times.  My son has at times come to me with the dilemma of some girl bigger, smaller, or the same size as he trying to hit him. I have always taught him it is never ok to hit a woman, but I do not think these girls were ever taught the same.  He asks what he should do when confronted with this situation because he dated a girl who had a problem with her hands and it took for my son’s nose to bleed profusely to realize that my son can get hurt.  She was extremely sad after realizing how hurt he got and never did it again, but all situations don’t turn out that way.  I tried to explain that he should not allow any girl ever to put her hands on him.  This was a learning experience for them both.  Many women through life without this type of lesson continue to manhandle men expecting to continuously get away with it.   As time goes on, he encounters many more situations with girls wanting to beat on him not realizing that he can hurt her or he may get hurt. Some girls at that point didn’t care.  So he asked “Mom, this girl who is built like a football player keeps trying to fight me, what should I do?” I have never thought I would ever get posed with this type of question.  I use to always tell him to restrain the girl, just leave and avoid the conflict.  There were times he was cornered and has been lucky enough to avoid fighting the girl, but he was concerned about what he should do when he can no longer run from her. Sad to say I had to advise my son to notify the authority of that institution, so if he is forced to defend himself he would not get in trouble because it is on record that he sought out help without receiving any.  I am sure many men could relate to something similar to what I mentioned and more.  This was a brief example of what could happen such as a woman being insecure or jealous of a fictional or real woman where she may find a woman’s contact information in his phone then feels she may have the right to commit an act of violence against him.  Rage or jealousy is a woman’s excuse for having the right to hit a man.

When is it ok for a woman to hit a man? Why do women think it is ok for a man to tolerate a woman hitting a man? Is it because being a man means he should be able to deal with all kinds of pain? Do women think a man is suppose to be this super hero?  Or is it when a woman is so enraged at her partner that she doesn’t care about how he feels?  Is she selfish or insensitive?  I think it is ok for anyone to hit in self defense when they have no other choice or any other recourse but to strike back.  When a woman hits a man it is creating a space where a man is no longer a person but an object for her to control or manipulate?


She beat me but no one knows

I will look like a punk

But this swollen black eye shows

I will say that Im drunk

as the crack in my ribs grows and grows

Im a big man with huge muscles on my arms chest and thighs

I was taught to respect

as I gaze into her eyes

I was taught to love

as she kisses me above

I was taught never to hit

as she accuses me cheating in her rages and fits

She hits me

but I shouldn’t have looked at that girl’s bits

because she loves me

she may throw plates and even bricks

and checks on me

as she goes through my phone for any chicks

I am not a man

because I am not always her fan

I do not know what she wants from me as I beat my fists in the sand

how do I make her love and respect me as she throws pots and pans

I change my identity so I don’t know who I am

Why does she beat me time and time again?


The Love of Innana


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